"Confidence is Sexy!"

Finally, what you've all been waiting for - I write about something I've previously said I would!  What can I say, I'm awesome.  I kick butt.  And isn't that hot? I mean, after all, confidence is sexy.

Why yes, this is another one where I rip into common phrases that tick me off.  This one falls squarely into the "things that are intended as helpful but really, really backfire" category, for several reasons.  First and most obviously, for a phrase that's supposed to boost people's opinions of themselves, it does a really great job of insulting them instead.  Bashful? Shy?  Insecure? Self-doubting? Outright self-loathing?  Boo!  Not only are you too fat/too scrawny/too nerdy/not smart enough/other-source-of-insecurity-goes-here - your lack of confidence makes you unattractive!  Man, doesn't that just make your self-esteem soar?

Yes, I know it doesn't say "only confidence is sexy," and that would help, but that insecurities don't work on logic; they work on everyone's internal awkward seventh-grader who keeps pointing out all the reasons they never got invited to parties.  The internal awkward seventh-grader doesn't give a flip about semantics.  The internal awkward seventh-grader just hears another reason to go about life wearing, over their head, a paper bag with eye-holes cut in the front.

Secondly, because I guess I'm tackling this in some semblance of order, is aforementioned impossibility of expressing a socially acceptable opinion of yourself. "Confidence is sexy" tells the un-confident that this lack renders them unattractive; confident people, on the other hand, frequently get called out for arrogance, even if they're of the sunny "I'm awesome and so are you unless proven otherwise!" disposition.

Thirdly, it makes out (no pun intended) that sexiness is this all-pervasive goal that everyone is working toward and is, if not the only, at least a prime reason to strive toward self-improvement.  There are so many things wrong with this.  It's the supposedly adult version of Disney princess flicks, where romance is the ultimate goal, never mind that nothing guarantees romantic success, so it's wise to learn to enjoy your own company and nurture platonic friendships; never mind the fulfilment to be found in creativity; don't even think about the satisfaction of hard work well done or the infinite realms of learning; certainly refuse to acknowledge that there are people who, for one reason or another, aren't even INTERESTED in sex or romance, whether on a temporary or permanent basis.

Oh, and the whole inherent sexism aspect?  Where it's still socially acceptable for a total stranger to holler at a woman walking down the sidewalk about her looks?  Where the worst things you can call a woman are focused on either her appearance or her sexuality? Where women are constantly judged on their looks, and constantly told to be simultaneously humble (so they won't be arrogant ball-breakers) and confident (so they'll be sexy)?

Yeah.  Let's ignore that, too.  Confidence is sexy, y'all!*

*Thus concluding my monthly allotment of y'all's.